We all enter the Shadowlands for different specific reasons, whether you were abused as a child and sought comfort in the arms of alcohol, drugs, co-dependent¬† relationships, abusive relationships. Or if you were let down by someone you really loved, you put them on a pedestal and they didn’t live up. Or you had a rocky family life, physically/verbally/emotionally abusive mother or father who raised you on pure guilt. And the always rot for anger, the raised in a crappy church/religion that taught horrible theology, ignored any issues, treated your doubts like a distraction instead of legitimate questions that exposed their irrelevancy which grew hatred inside of you for anything ‘religion’. Or most recently, your parents raised you atheist, but trusting science and your “mental freedom” became nihilism and nihilism is so empty, yet the existential questions just keep piling up.

No matter which of these is the case, more than likely you have become neurotic, not neurotic as in you worry about things that don’t matter, but neurotic by a societal standpoint, because they just don’t think about, or care about what you are thinking.They go on with life completely oblivious to these questions that haunt you,
Questions like:

  • What is my purpose?
  • How did this all get here?
  • Is there a God?
  • Is the imaginary being plausible?
  • Why do people who claim to not believe in a god, spend more time talking about god than the average believer?
  • Why so much hatred toward a being that doesn’t exist?
  • If Science is so great, and the end all be all, why do all the theories need to be updated and changed every 7 to 10 years?
  • Can a book written by ignorant pre-modern men teach us anything about living life?
  • IF there is some so called God, then is it knowable?
  • How can God be “All Knowing” and yet created this mess?
  • How can an All Knowing God be “great” or caring when you just look around this world?
  • If there is a God then this is all its fault! Why should I care about God at all.

And so whether you are a wallflower or an anti-social basement dweller (like I am) you are alone in a crowded room. You have no place in this world, and its all pointless. So you enter the Shadowlands, you find your plot, and you wander your Shadowland disheartened, and in a constant struggle to care, because in reality, you care TOO MUCH, your infighting feels like a heart attack sometimes as you snap at those you love, you push away those who could help, and you self-medicate through any of a thousand ways: drugs, TV, food, sex, sleeping, drinking, porn, violent outlets like horror movies and video games, self-harm, /pol/; or even constructive, yet misguided outlets such as Wicca, Thelema, Buddhism, eastern mysticism, and many other outlets that ALL come back empty and meaningless.

So what are you to do?

Have I found anything special? Knowledge that was unknown until now? Unlocked some riddle that explains it all?


I’m a fellow wanderer of many Shadowlands, but I have found my way out of many of them lands by using logic, reason, accepting other people’s research, learned to live with not knowing everything, incorporating a form of the 12 Steps into my life, and teaching myself to be okay with “Living in Awe of the World Around Us” even the things I don’t understand.

So I am going to take down my notes, write out my thoughts (as scary as they may be) and post them online, hopefully in a place and a form that someone will be able to be helped.

Even if that help is to know to never listen to me and my ramblings!

Join me as I wander.
J. Mike


*I reserve my right to change my opinion on things as new information comes available

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