A long time ago, before our universe even began…

Well, technically time as we know it started where our universe started so there isn’t, actually, a time designation for “before the universe came into existence”.
As a matter of fact, we really don’t have any idea what existed, if anything existed, how it could’ve existed, what it would’ve existed as if it existed, or if anything existed at all. This is really something that tears a hole in any theory we could have, be it science or religion that tries to discuss it, it being the beginning, of course.

So, Science starts by saying trillions or billions or whatever years ago, there was a singularity, everything was packed in this singularity, enter the second problem, there is no way that we can get back to a singularity. It always goes back infinity. There is no singularity. There’s no way to get to it, there’s always fractions and decimals. And so they need something to get that singularity, and so they cheat by starting AFTER something already happened to get to the point where they need to be, so they can go forward from that point. See most religions in the world don’t actually have a problem with believing in the singularity either, They would say God is that singularity, whether literally, as in those who believe the entire universe is God, or a more conventional way, as in, before whatever exploded, well, exploded there was a singularity and that singularity is God, that is also referred to as “The First Thought or The First Cause. Or you can take the easy way out and do what Smartest Man Alive Stephen Hawking just did and say “Welp, the Universe is Eternal, no beginning, no end, that’s preferential to believing in God.” Obviously that is not an exact quote, but it might as well be, since that is what he said. The math fails to explain it, so it must be eternal.

That is how far and deep I went into the rabbit hole with searching this out, Reading the War Scroll followed up by The Large Scale Structure of Space-Time, and then is to realize that as far back as the Essene Brotherhood and Original Coptic Gnostics which were Jewish and Christian cults, respectively, who believed knowledge was above all things. And while believing in pretty much everything the Jewish and Christians believe, they felt the ultimate god, the infinite god itself, or anything so powerful to be as such, must by its very nature be completely unknowable, and it must be outside of anything we could possibly understand or comprehend, and therefore The First Thought, as they refer to it in the Gnostic Worldview was The First Cause. And of course, as all sects and cults are oft to do, the more they thought about it, they started adding to it, so god must be unknowable and therefore it created demigods that are lower than Creator God, but above us. The crazy thing about the demigods is that while they were supposed to be better than humans, they actually are no different, in fact, these demigod-things are as bad or worse than people in much the same way as the Titans or the Olympians of Greek mythology, or the Anunnaki of Acadian theology, Egyptian gods, and were no better than people themselves. Which makes some kind of sense actually, if you consider that they are not god, they are lesser beings, so by definition they aren’t able to be perfect, or anything close to it.

And so we sit, between needing a reason for the start, and needing a singularity for science, or logic, to work so you get what we have today, which is one of the smartest men ever Stephen Hawking saying “The universe is eternal” maybe it’s just always existed, in some infinite cycle, not just the old “Expand and Crush” Model, no it has just always existed. Which is perfect because it shows the kind of completely illogical and idiotic things the human mind will stoop to in avoiding belief in God. And yes, I feel so bad for Stephen Hawking, stuck in a body, a husk of a human, one of the greatest minds, TRAPPED inside his own disabled body. I can sympathize with the pain he is likely feeling toward God, the hurt, the anger, the confusion, how could a Being worth knowing, allow what we see, whether it be Stephen Hawking or 5 year olds at the St. Jude’s Cancer Hospital. Animal cruelty or babies raped to death across the world. I get it, there are times God sucks, its just the truth. But when facing no other options, and as insane as it might sound, You have two choices, both are for all logic and rationale, impossible, believe in God (whether possible or not) or believe in man and their attempt at “Science”. And go look up a true Ph.d level text book on the “Beginning of the Universe”, there is just no way to get back to a time before everything in the universe existed, the Big Bang model does not make sense, which is bad enough, but it also just doesn’t work. Every couple steps in the Big Bang model there is a huge problem that they need to create a whole new system to explain, never mind it starts AFTER ALL THE MATTER IN THE UNIVERSE already came into existence, the very first step involves a Fudge Factor, and yes that’s a science term, if everything appeared and then blew up, it would go away, because the very things, in the very levels, that caused the explosion, would thus cancel themselves out and boom, no universe! SO from the start there is Fudge Factor, then something happens that with the Fudge Factor included doesn’t work, so they create a new system to explain why that worked that one time in the universe, even though it defies the laws of the universe, and we could never get it to happen again. (Yes un-repeatable things happened, The Scientific Method of course says something must be repeatable, AND Falsifiable, which is something most persons don’t know). There are so many systems to try to explain why the universe does things that it is incapable of doing, just to get the big bang to exist, just so that we can get here, in spite the very walls we trust, and rely on for this universe to stay here and for us to continue to circle around the axis of the earth, zipping around the sun, spiraling near the center of a humongous galaxy, each one of us made up of the very atoms that make up everything else, but arranged so that even with 98% void space we are solid, and all the parts that work perfectly. Yes, all of those laws need to have fudging and flexibility that they don’t have currently in our universe, just for the Big Bang to work.

And crazy as it may sound, I’m not against the big bang! I think the Big Bang sounds like a marvelous idea. And if it worked I would be all for it. It would make Genesis 1:1 a crapload easier. However, even if it worked, it still does not get us from nothing to a singularity, to singularity becoming everything, or for everything to be in a singularity, which is mathematically impossible, so that it can do what it needs to do, so that we can get here.

And thus we are in the situation we are in, where FAITH is the only thing that will get you from one slide of this chasm to the other. And really, it’s up to you, what makes more sense to you?

For me, personally, there has to be A First Cause. There just has to be that First Thought, that First Creative Force, and since nothing in this universe can be it, it has to exist outside of this universe, as something beyond us, beyond what we can comprehend. I cannot get my mind to be okay with there being No Cause. I am okay with quantum mechanics telling me how I’m constructed, I am okay with quantum string theory and its 10 OR 11 strings (seriously make up your minds already 10 or 11), I am okay with the “Electric Universe Theory”, the Plasma Universe, the multi-verse idea. I am okay with ANY concept that explains WHAT this universe is, and helps to explain why and how it works the way it does. I am blessed with a brain that I can understand all kinds of mathematics, and abstract theories, and hypothesis, and all sorts of theoretical hyperbole that gets thrown around in attempt to not need a God. I accept the vast majority of scientific principles that explain our universe, I accept the laws that govern our universe being what they are and even the ones that seem like of of “guidelines” than actual laws. Somehow, I was born with a very large capacity to learn and understand a very wide range of topics. And even to learn and understand points of view and opinions that I do not share. But I cannot go without The First Thought, The First Cause, because there has to be something, it can’t just be a wink and a “Trust me” on this. Reason and Logic if something blew up there was a cause. If something started, there is a reason, and for me it’s God. By it’s very definition it is god, but by its understanding it is God.

And now that there is A god in the picture, the question becomes Is It knowable? And if So Which god, or Whose god. And my analytical mind immediately thinks and says, “Okay, what god, or whose makes the most sense.” It has to make sense. And so I went on my search and studied for years, years and years, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Shinto, Scientology, Mormonism, even Jehovah’s Witnesses while staying clear of any Christianity directly, as I was at the time, what 99% of Atheists are currently, I was angry at Christianity because I was too lazy to actually read and understand what it meant and doctrinal basis. So in my zeal for “understanding and knowledge” I also researched the Greek mythologies, eastern options, Egyptian Mythologies, Assyrian, Acadian, Babylonian, Pre-Christian Celtic and other Druid-like myths, Zoroastrianism, New Agers, I collected writings of Wiccans, and Thelema, and every type of religion that openly allows itself for scrutiny. After six years of studying I was, to quote Alister Crowley “Perplexed.” It was all just one big loop of regurgitated information. And yet with all of this there was one thing that the majority of these religions that are active today all agree upon, that at the very least a man Jesus, known as the Christ was a good man and teacher. And at the most some form of profit, maybe Transcendent or possibly of divine origin. And so I thought to myself, “Self, if everyone of these religions can’t help but say how good Jesus is, then maybe that’s because he really is that good.” (I will deal with the “Historicity of Jesus” in a later post)

So I walked over to the nightstand which contained 9 books at the time. And went to the bottom and pulled out my old Thompson Chain-Reference King James Bible my parents bought for me on my 13th birthday, after I asked to get my ear pierced and a leather jacket. Not sure if they thought I was getting into Gangs, or just afraid I was Gay, either way, this warn old bible that I had read in church for 9 years, sat unused for 6 years. But always on my nightstand for some reason.

Jesus… well my old friend, we meet again!

I said in my best Bond Villain Voice, I walked over and sat down on the bed. I had decided I would open up the Bible and “Read The Red Letter” as is a famous Christian term, and backlash oddly enough, and so I turned to Matthew and I read the first red letters, which appear in Matthew 3:15

Suffer it to be so now: for thus it becometh us to fulfil all righteousness.”

That’s actually quite interesting, because taken out of context it actually fits my situation. For those unsure of the Elizabethan English, Suffer means to allow or to permit something, and where there is th at the end of nominative verbs, just make the th into s. So becometh = becomes.

The next verse Matthew 4:4

It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.

Whoa, interesting. I’m not one for “feeling” but my skin tingled,

Next verse Matthew 4:7

It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.

Uhm, yeah. Goosebumbs!
Another note on the English, Tempt = test to an extreme (unwarranted) degree

Matthew 4:10

Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.

Matthew 4:17

Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.

Matthew 4:19

Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.

And then Matthew chapter 5, starts with the beatitudes, and continues for 3 chapters, about 5 pages of Jesus’ longest sermon, the Sermon On The Mount, and OH MY LORD! (yep a pun) it only gets better, because EVERYTHING JESUS SAYS IS PERFECT. The reason everyone smart enough to accept that Jesus existed, then has to acknowledge His supremacy, is because Jesus is everything you’d ever want in a person, in a teacher, heck in a God, He is everything.

And so here we are, reading Matthew 5:3 – 7:27 and any woman who gets moist over Noah Calhoun, read Matthew 5 to 7 and there’s a man to fall in love with right there!

And so I read every red letter over and over again. I had decided I like Jesus, He is so perfect He must be God, no doubt about it. So my second leap of faith, God clearly wanted to have a relationship with His creation, and so He (however He does such things) entered into His own creation to become a man, live a perfect life, die a torturous death, so that we cannot say He doesn’t understand whatever pain we feel, actually died, went to Hades, and waited for 3 days, before Raising Himself from the dead, showing Himself in his risen un-glorified-form to only one person (a woman no less), and then revealing His Heavenly “Human-form” (not God form) to between 170 and 700 people for about a month before translating back to Heaven. And He wants us to believe in him to find peace and purpose.

And since I am a really selfish and headstrong person, I decided I loved Jesus, but hated the God of the Old Testament, and since He insists He is the God of the Old Testament, and He is pure love, I would read the entire Bible, and go through it page by page, story by story, and shred it to its core and if there was ANYTHING I didn’t like how it panned out, I was done with God and Jesus and the Bible. So I began to study two hours a day, seven days a week, I figured it’d last for a few months, it lasted three years! And by the time I was done, I was still knee deep in depression, anxiety, still filled with existential dread, and yet if nothing else is true, it’s that there is a God, He is love, He is Jesus, He inspired men to write The Holy Bible so we could get to know Him.

Yes the Bible has various translations, and a million things that we can discuss over time, but they all fall short when you look beyond the “Gotcha” BS of the Reason Project and those jackasses, and IF, a big if there, IF you want to know, read the red letters, then read the whole thing, it’s all there for you. And yes, to steal a quote from Joseph Smith “it is the most perfect book ever written.” Of course he was referring to the Book of Mormon, but that doesn’t hold a candle to the greatest piece of literature ever composed, in EVERY language.

And don’t take my word for it. Test Everything! Ask questions! Read with the intention of Learning! Be willing to accept answers you don’t want to accept!

But be honest!

There is no reason to lie to yourself or others. And waste yours and everyone else’s time. Be Honest! Read Honestly! Learn Honestly! Receive Knowledge Honestly!

The answers are there, you just have to be willing to see them!
J. Michael

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